Wednesday, April 20, 2011

I have to admit, sometimes I'm a little... annoyed? (OK, that was no secret).

I know plenty of girls who came to BYU supposedly to learn something but really only desperately latched on to the first man they could find. They got married and started having babies, maybe took the trouble to finish their degree, and then all you see is Facebook updates about their baby's latest blowout or how hard it is to be a mom.


First of all.... honestly, I don't really care how often your precious angel poops. Or how sore your nipples are. Sheesh people, Facebook is public! If we're good friends chatting, of course I'd love to hear about your life. But public venues are so not an intimate friend-to-friend chat.

Second... enough with the self-validating comments about how tough motherhood is or how wonderful your stay-at-home life is!

And this is where I'm most conflicted. I truly believe that motherhood is an incredibly challenging and ultimately (hopefully) rewarding task. It's a divine calling, all that jazz... I get it. But sometimes, maybe this is society corrupting me, I feel like a lot of these people just took the cop-out route. I mean, how self-righteous does it sound to say that you sacrificed your education to raise your little one? Of course, we need to keep in mind eternal priorities and all, but don't you sometimes feel that deep down, just a wee little bit... it's awfully convenient that baby came before you had to actually work to help support your family?

And to my dear friends who read my blog and have babies--I promise I'm not talking about you. I think you are wonderful mothers :) I'm just irritated at this general attitude; it really makes me uncomfortable sometimes.

I get that motherhood is probably one of the most thankless tasks, but its nauseating when people do everything they possibly can to try to convince the world of how fulfilled they are and how much harder their job is than anything else. Really? There are working women who rock motherhood too: Valerie Hudson, world-renowned political scientist and mother of... seven children, I believe? Did I mention her kids are HOME-SCHOOLED?

Of course, it's easy for me to say this, because I've never experienced it. I get that, maybe I'll change my mind. But I hope that the day I become a mother I don't start talking nonstop and exclusively about every mundane and boring detail of my (and baby's) life. Hopefully my life will never be boring anyway.

I also realize full well that women aren't "just" stay-at-home moms. I get that it's a full-time job, and I value it highly. I don't think I want to be working like a maniac while having children, and I'm pretty sure I want to be a full-time mom for at least a period of my life. But I don't think I want it to be permanent. As much as I realize it's a crucial role on earth and in eternity, I don't think I'm meant to not work my whole life either. I love working in the media, and I may not follow the most conventional path but I want to stay active in the news my whole life, whether it's freelancing or doing documentaries every once in a while. Or writing a book or two... who knows. I just don't ever want to be static: that's probably what I fear the most, arriving at a point and realizing this is what I'll be for the rest of my life. I'd probably end up ridiculously depressed. I don't know, call me crazy but I feel like I have a contribution to make to the world too (and yes, I know, raising awesome kids is an enormous contribution, but I'm talking about contribution to my peers)

Anyway... this was my twisted way of saying that sometimes I don't know what to think about all this... and I especially can't bear the idea of being the girl who "just" did something because it was the easy route.


  1. I just really like you. My latest plan is to move to Boston to date this guy, get married, have pretty brunette babies, and forever be 7 credits shy of graduating.

    Okay, not really. But it would be a lot easier. Hmmmm... it's so tempting!

  2. I know exactly what you mean. I always felt like that and definitely had difficulty judging/looking down on women who got married before finishing school and then just dropped out as if they had fulfilled their life's purpose by getting married!

    I don't ever want to feel stuck either. It is harder than I thought it would be to be a mother, but since I work from home I usually tend to think how easy it would be to be a mother of one and not work! Seriously... one is not THAT hard... the hardest part is never sleeping. I'm sure it will get more difficult with more children and I don't want to not work forever either. I think writing a book is a great idea and such a neat way to keep exercising your mind and individuality, which ultimately makes a better mother anyways.

  3. I am totally with you on this! I find myself more fighting with my ultra conservative family (ie mother in law) about being a working mom. (Oh, and keeping my birth name but that's a whole different battle.) I had a friend who said that she realized that she was a BETTER mom when she worked. I'm teaching part time and running a small catering business and being a mom. I agree with this friend of mine who has 4 kids (all 10 and older now) and is working. When mom is happy & fulfilled, the rest of the family can be, too.

  4. I totally agree!! Motherhood is to be one of the most challenging, yet rewarding roles we ever fulfill in this life and in the next. It shouldn't be a cop out, but something we prepare for ( a lot with education:)). I get annoyed, too because girls often come to BYU with huge dreams and goals, and then cop out to easy majors, such as el ed and then just switch over to the so-perceived "easy life" of being a mom. No-it's better to find the best role you can fulfill and do it. Marrying someone as an escape from school and/or a rough life, etc. is an excuse-not a solution.