On the luxury of having too much to chose from

Sigh. More female dilemmas. Nothing new, but a few recent articles have stirred up the debate and continue to make me think.

1% Wives Are Helping Kill Feminism and Make the War on Women Possible, according to this author.

Ouch! I see some pertinent points here, but I'm not sure I agree with her premise that feminism means raw wage equality. I've always seen feminism as giving political and social equality to women but especially valuing femaleness as much as maleness, which to me entails that a woman doesn't have to do exactly the same thing as a man in order to have the same "value" in society. And while she starts off talking specifically about "one percenters", her arguments are really stretched out to include any woman who has a choice. I find her basic assumption scary because it means that, basically, she would love to see all women forced to work full time and earn their own keep.

I agree with this:

"Who can possibly take feminism seriously when it allows everything, as long as women choose it?" 

There has to be some sort of standard: Becoming a porn star is a bad feminist choice. Being a mother who forces her daughter to marry at 14 is a bad feminist choice. I'd say dropping out of high school is a bad feminist choice. And she's right that mothering is not the same thing as salaried work, BUT that doesn't mean it doesn't have value: I believe being a stay-at-home-mom has immense value and it should be viewed by all as a valid--and valuable--life choice.

She has a point about women being financially dependent on men -- it's a dangerous position to be in, and that's why education is still very important, at least having the POSSIBILITY of being able to support yourself should (heaven forbid) anything happen (which has incidentally been taught by prophets). But otherwise, her tone is pretty crappy and I'm sure she's going for controversy here... not everything of value in life is measured in $$ signs. She's like the people who want to prevent Laura Bush from receiving the Alice Award, which honors a woman who has advanced the cause of women: I refuse to let a few individuals define feminism in such a narrow way.

Then there's this article, which is spot-on. It also depresses me, because it is so true. I get incredibly frustrated sometimes that the media industry wants to force me to decide between family and a career -- it's still very much all-or-nothing in journalism, and frankly I'm sick of it. There are no true role-models in the media for me, no woman that's figured it all out. I don't want to give up my prime child-bearing years only to be chewed up and spit out as soon as I get a wrinkle or two.

There's another dilemma in all this, as a Latter-day Saint woman: we absolutely have benefited from women entering the workplace in many, many ways. Family-friendly corporate policies for example (for women AND men), or domestic policy that benefits children and mothers. It is important for women to hear their own viewpoints and opinions expressed in the marketplace of ideas. I think female reporters (and not just single career women, either) are necessary, crucial even, because they will have an eye for certain issues that may not be brought up otherwise. And we can bring qualities like empathy and (as mothers) a common understanding of education/health/family issues.

But that brings up the question: how many LDS women should chose a non-traditional path? It's a hard question to answer, especially when I'm pretty sure EVERYBODY I know is sort of wondering why we don't have kids yet. And yet Jimmer didn't serve a mission. Steve Young played football on Sundays. Valerie Hudson isn't a full-time stay-at-home mom. Mitt Romney spends a lot of time traveling away from his family. And nobody gives them any trouble about it, because these people make valuable contributions and also give a positive image of the Church to the world. (Well, Romney arguably not, since liberals don't like him) The irony is, we sort of need more Mormon women in the workplace and the public eye in order to push back, to change the workplace to fit better into Mormon women's lives, if that's what they want. But doing that takes sacrifices.

So how do you know you're supposed to be a norm-breaker? At what point do you know your contribution will be worth the concessions you might have to make? Who will be the next one to place themselves and their family on the Sacrificial Altar of Progress?

Sex and world peace?

Read this.

http://www.foreignpolicy.com/articles/2012/04/24/what_sex_means_for_world_peace?page=0%2C0

It's the truth.

Men who see women as beings to be subjugated will themselves continue to be subjugated. Men who see women as equal and valued partners are the only men who have a true chance to win their freedom and enjoy peace.

Women in my family

Here's our statistic of the day: women still earn less than men for equal work at every education level in the U.S. And a recent report from the census bureau shows that while receiving advanced degrees pays off for women, it's still not as financially beneficial as it is for men. Men's overall median monthly earnings are $3,750, while women come in at $2,917. 

So next time you think (or hear): "oh, those feminists need to get over it now, women's rights are so nineteenth century"... that's flat-out not true. This number is important because so many people honest-to-goodness think the income gap is a thing of the past. It's not.

And now: the first woman - or rather women - I'd like to introduce you to are my aunts. You've already heard about them plenty, so I won't elaborate, but they've taught me a lot about being faithful. Faithful to God, faithful to your responsibilities, faithful to friends, faithful to famiglia.

They were a source of inspiration to me growing up, and I know they've been a role model for many other people; they've touched so many lives as music teachers, as participants in their community and family, as teachers and leaders in the church.

So please, check out the interview I did with them over this summer. It's a good read, and you'll see a little bit of what I mean. They're pretty cool :)

How about you? What have women in your family given or taught you? Do share, I'd love to hear your stories!

Read the interview here

International Women's Day

Coming up soon: March 8th is the day, and I'd like to celebrate by telling stories about women who inspire me or taught me something special. Check back later today for the first story :)

And contribute! Who is your female role model?

A note: sometimes, International Women's Day can turn into saying nice things about the women in your life. That's sweet, and it's important as well, but it's important to remember that the original goal of this day was to fight for women's rights. Women still suffer from inequality and abuse. I'll be sharing facts and figures along with the uplifting stories, because that's the point: see the positive and generate hope, but also work towards progress.

Approaching Modesty

How interesting that I stumble across this literally a day after posting about For the Strength of Youth... The article is one woman's take on why the doctrine of modesty is harmful and even destructive for girls. Her main beef with it is that it is sexist and that it creates shame, essentially:

"Modesty taught me that I was a decoration. Everything about my life was governed by whether or not a man was watching. How I moved and what I ate or wore all depended on the male gaze. Modesty taught me that nothing I did mattered more than avoiding sexual attention. Modesty made me objectify myself. I was so aware of my own potential desirability at all times that I lost all other ways of defining myself."

Read the article, it's not too long. To be fair, her bio line indicates she was raised in an ultra-conservative religion, so of course she probably had a very different experience than most of us. But still, the way she views modesty makes me sad. It's such a wrong image of what should be a beautiful doctrine. My friend Anneke, who posted the link, had this to say:

"I believe in modesty because it protects women's self-respect in an age where our culture believes that women are for looking at and using. There are so many people who treat a woman's body as their own personal property. Dressing modestly is my way of saying 'No - this is not yours. You have no right to possess my body with your eyes and ignore who I actually am.' To me, modesty is the feminist answer to pornography. It's us saying NO."

Agreed. Modesty isn't about being a prude or protecting men from sinning. Modesty is about respect for yourself and respect for your God. It's about cherishing the precious gift that is your body and treating it with care. Another commenter, Joy, added the following:

"To me, modesty starts with respect for self and others and applies both men and women. Modesty is about recognizing that our behavior, words and appearance matter. Speaking, behaving and dressing in a way that shows respect for oneself and others, and is appropriate for the situation, impacts our own feelings and behavior and makes it easier for those around us to maintain positive thoughts and feelings. Modesty does not make a person a passive object nor does it render one invisible. It is the exact opposite. Modesty says we are here and we are powerful. Our thoughts, feelings and actions matter. Modesty does not ask 'Is this skirt going to make men lust?' Modesty asks if our behavior, speech and appearance help ourselves and those around us feel uplifted. Modesty recognizes that we influence others by our very existence and encourages us to be an elevating influence."

All that being said, do we get a little confused about modesty, even in the Church? I think so.

I still hear people say we should dress modestly so men won't have bad thoughts about us. It happened a few weeks ago in Relief Society, as a matter of fact. (Yes, I raised my hand... and pointed out that burqa-clad women in Egypt get groped all the time. Nicely, of course.) Well of course wearing a bikini to school would be distracting! But does that mean I have to constantly worry about some poor unsuspecting man catching a glimpse of the back of my knee? No. That's not the point. Additionally, the author kind of hit home in talking about the fact that modesty is typically only taught to women. Maybe that's not entirely true in Mormonism, but it feels like it sometimes. What does modesty mean for a man anyway? It's not like most men walk around in mini-shorts or halter tops...

Maybe one definition of immodesty for men would be wearing their pants so low that their underpants show? But other than that, I don't know. Maybe there really is something more exciting about a woman, more fundamentally appealing about her body, but it doesn't make much sense to me. Besides, modesty is about more than just clothing, it's in the way you act, speak, and yes, dress. But maybe it's fundamentally more about the way you present yourself to the world. I wish we spent more time talking about how you can present yourself rather than what you shouldn't wear... especially since it can be so subjective from one situation to another, from one culture to another, from one age group to another.

I ran into this article the next day from a Christian website. This author writes about how the phrase "modest is hottest" is silly and can even be damaging because of what it insinuates:

"Perhaps the phrase’s originator hoped to provide a more positive spin on modesty. I sympathize with that. However, 'modest is hottest' also perpetuates (and complicates) this objectification of women by equating purity with sexual desire. The word 'hot'” is fraught with sexual undertones. It continues a tradition in which women are primarily objects of desire, but it does so in an acceptable Christian way. Making modesty sexy is not the solution we need. Instead, the church [not sure what religion she is, but based on who she quotes I think she may be Catholic] needs to overhaul its theology of the female body. Women continue to be associated with their bodies in ways that men are not. And, as a result of this unique association, women’s identities are also uniquely tied to their bodies in a manner that men’s identities are not."

I feel like a big part of all these issues is the doctrine of original sin. No wonder all these ideas are lurking when people see Eve as the original temptress, the cause of mankind's fall. What a wonderful thing that in Mormonism we respect her, even admire her for her courage in taking the next step into mortality she knew was necessary. But maybe even we have remnants of "original sin mentality", when we put the responsibility for sin on women in cases like modesty or sexual purity for example. I worry that sometimes the ideas that both of these authors describe creep into our own rhetoric. And yet, official Church publications like For the Strength of Youth make it very clear that this should not be the case: "a young man and a young woman on a date are responsible to protect each other’s honor and virtue." Both of them equally.


So here's my question: how should we teach modesty to girls? What can we do better? And how should we teach our boys modesty too?



Oh and here's a fun fact: there may be scientific evidence for the value of modesty: "Brain scans revealed that when men are shown pictures of scantily clad women, the region of the brain associated with tool use lights up. Men were also more likely to associate images of sexualized women with first-person action verbs such as 'I push, I grasp, I handle,' said lead researcher Susan Fiske, a psychologist at Princeton University. And in a 'shocking' finding, Fiske noted, some of the men studied showed no activity in the part of the brain that usually responds when a person ponders another's intentions. This means that these men see women 'as sexually inviting, but they are not thinking about their minds,' Fiske said. 'The lack of activation in this social cognition area is really odd, because it hardly ever happens.'"

Oh those Mormons

Have you heard about the new study on Mormons?

Nothing new. But this little tidbit actually did surprise me: "Although LDS women are just as educated as other American women, they are more likely to be stay-at-home moms and less likely to work outside the home."

That's kind of awesome.

Mormon Women Project Salon Recap

I was a bit apprehensive at first, because I've never actually met Neylan or any of the MWP contributors. I went by myself and was worried about sitting alone, but silly me. I was underestimating how irresistibly awesome all these women are. I got there early because we had driven up to go to the zoo for my story (I was worried I would smell like monkeys, but it turned out OK) so Andrew and I walked around temple square for a little bit and then he settled down to do homework and I went to help out with check-in. I was pretty much the youngest person there, but it was awesome. It was essentially what I had always imagined Enrichment should be.

The theme of the salon was Deliberate Womanhood, the idea of crafting our lives rather than just letting them happen to us, and it was such a good topic for me to hear about right now. The first speaker was Emma Lou Thayne. She's a poet and among many other things she penned the words to the hymn "Where can I turn for peace?" Despite being in her eighties she was so full of life and I loved hearing her speak about growth, trials, and decisions. She told plenty of stories about her family, her husband, her writing, her accident (she had a near-death experience after a terrible car crash)... she was lively but also wise; she spoke with so much authority about life, as if to remind us all: "I've been where you will be, and you should hear what I have to say." (I apologize for the inordinate amount of run-on sentences and the jumble of words that is this post, but if I don't get it out now it will never happen.)

She shared a hilarious poem she wrote after having a toe amputated:

"Ditty to my missing parts"
Where are you waiting, my missing contraptions?
Parts so long in on my acts and reactions?
We’ll be re-united in that other life
But meantime I’m lacking what’s gone with the knife.


First tonsils at four, appendix at twenty,
Since, gall bladder, uterus, moles more than plenty.
An eardrum, a breast, and wisdom teeth, So
Are they consorting today with my nipped second toe?


Where are my actual left hip and right knee?
With substitute fixtures, is what’s left really me?
Does my lost stuff know physiology?
And the source of its real genealogy?


Do items out there know they’re all related?
Does time of departure say how situated?
With so much I was born with now distant collection?
Is restitution included in resurrection?


So I’ve been taught and I know that it’s true
But will they all fit and say, “Boy we missed you!”

Aside from being really funny, it really demonstrates the humor she seems to have about herself. She's had her share of hardships: a severely bipolar daughter at a time when bipolar disorder wasn't recognized, an accident that should have killed her... but she wrote beautiful poetry throughout all of these things and found ways to see the beauty and humor in life.

Next we went into breakout sessions, and it was hard to chose between them all but I felt drawn to the one on "Finding power in your personal story". Shelah Miner (She writes for Segullah, Feminist Mormon Housewives, and has written for the Exponent II and other mormon projects... all kinds of cool stuff) presented a workshop on writing about your life. It's been a loooong time since I've written in my journal, but her presentation on writing about yourself in meaningful ways really got my creative juices going. She gave a short presentation and then had us do various exercises to get us started. Some of the prompts were to write about a specific image in time (describe five senses, focus on a specific moment instead of a narrative/chronological description) and a few questions:

A moment I realized Heavenly Father loved me was when…
A hard choice I’ve made in my life was when…
A moment I realized there is power in what I do was when...

So we all got to work and wouldn't you know I just happened to sit down next to a fellow broadcaster! (Definitely not a chance encounter) Funny story though: when I first saw her and told her my name I started to panic because she said she had also studied broadcasting and suddenly I thought she looked an awful lot like KUTV's anchorwoman  and felt pathetic that I wasn't sure because I'm supposed to know these kinds of things and I was freaking out because here I was sitting next to the anchor of a station I wanted to intern at and I couldn't even remember her name... thankfully it wasn't her though so I was able to relax. Ha.

Anyway: DeAnne Flynn is a former reporter/anchor and has written several books, speaks at Time out for Women, has hosted a talk show and does all kinds of generally awesome stuff. Basically, everything I hope to be someday--seriously. She also came alone so we decided to be buddies for the rest of the evening and she dragged me to the group discussion on "becoming a deliberate mother" because hello, on top of being crazy accomplished she has seven gorgeous kids. (I wasn't complaining much about being dragged, it was great. So was the food, by the way.)

She was so nice and was genuinely interested in learning about me. And I in turn was happy as a clam to fire away asking her all about HOW she did it all. I've been so stressed lately about decisions that are looming ever nearer. Babies. Career. Family life. Personal fulfillment. Ugh. She was encouraging and reassuring. She told me I had a great future ahead of me, but she did say that I might need to be flexible with my career choices in order to do it all.* Just being around all these incredible women gave me hope though, that I can craft my life in a way that will bring me joy in all aspects. I need to focus on what I want to and need to do (well and my husband too :) and not worry so much about what I'm expected to do by my peers, professors, and the rest of the world. Phew. (That doesn't mean I don't still have panic attacks every once in a while.)

The deliberate motherhood discussion group was cool. I just shut up and listened because I'm not exactly a model of experience with motherhood, but it gave me lots of good ideas and things to think about. The woman leading the discussion blogs at http://powerofmoms.com and she talked about how mothers can define themselves rather than saying "oh, I'm just a mom" and also about finding value in what we do. Lots of  other good stuff, great discussion.

Finally we were all rounded up back to the main room for a panel discussion led by Neylan (Editor/founder of the Mormon Women Project). She asked the panelists, Valerie Hudson (distinguished BYU International Relations professor), Tiffany Gee Lewis (DesNews reporter) and Chrysula Winegar (Work-life balance advocate) various questions about womanhood, motherhood and the workplace and it was awesome. Valerie Hudson nearly got a standing ovation when she talked about the LDS doctrine of gender equality (if you haven't read this presentation she gave a while back, you need to. It changed my life. Also, I'm so sad she's leaving BYU in January--I took one class from her and desperately wanted to take her "political economy of women" class, but wasn't able to work it in. Now I never will.) and Chrysula Winegar gave me so much hope: she works hard to advocate balance between family life and work, especially for women and one of the things she said really struck me: she essentially said it was important for women's voices to be a part of the professional world and that it was possible, but women need to push back against corporations and force them to recognize that we also want and need to be mothers. One point that Dr Hudson made was that important legislation with regards to childcare, women's health, education and the family in general had come about because there were women judges, women legislators, women educators, and women activists that were active in making it happen: they understand the importance of those issues and have a unique perspective on them. They talked about so many things that I can't remember all of them, but the videos from the Salon will be on the website so I'll let you know when they're up. Oh and Chrysulla Winegar quoted Patricia Holland:

"We must have the courage to be imperfect." 

What words of wisdom. I remember at some point near the end of the Salon just sitting there, and thinking about how privileged I was to be in this assembly of brilliant people. It was humbling and inspiring at the same time, and... I can't wait for next year.

Phew, I made it through. If you're still reading, congratulations! You get to look at this really cool picture.



One last plug for the Mormon Women Project: "Far from a monochrome stereotype, the beauty and variety of our women prove that there is no one right way to 'choose the right.'" WORD


*Incidentally, here's a rocking BYU alum anchor/reporter who apparently is doing it all. HOW?! I need to write to her

The Two Trees

I highly, highly recommend this presentation given by one of my all-time favorite professors to any of you budding (or confirmed) feminists. I recommend it to any woman, really. It's incredibly inspired and I'm amazed at her insights into the story of the Fall.

I absolutely love that she equates pregnancy, childbirth and breastfeeding with ordinances, and her understanding of priesthood versus motherhood.

Some quotes:

"the situation of women is a barometer of how near death a civilization is"

"Gender equality is not some 'politically correct' ideal to the Latter-day Saints; it is not some maraschino cherry placed last atop a Zion sundae. No, relationships of gender equality are the bricks of Zion, without which you cannot build Zion, because gender equality is how Heavenly Mother and Heavenly Father live."

This is especially excellent reading in the context of the Celebrate Family event: I think I've found my topic.

Little girls... they turn into women someday

And what they hear when they're young goes a long way. I just read this, and I like it.

I don't think there's anything inherently wrong with telling little girls they're pretty--and that's not the author's point. I certainly like dressing up, taking care of my appearance and whatnot. Although I didn't enjoy so much being paraded around with a huge fat bow over top of my polygamist hairdo... But it doesn't hurt to make a point of talking about something else than girls' appearance for a change. I like it.

Plus I've always loved books anyway :)

My favorite picture as of late

Although I'm not sure what sandwiches have to do with anything...

Ah, motherhood

Read this lately. http://www.nytimes.com/2003/10/26/magazine/26WOMEN.html

I don't know that this so-called "opt-out revolution" is necessarily a bad thing. I'd argue that if women are actually consciously choosing motherhood over a career after having the opportunity to explore all their options, by all means let them! Don't you think it's sufficient that women can do anything they want, but chose to sacrifice anyway for their children? Have we really failed the feminist movement? Assuming that women should ascribe to a certain role in society as defined by others sounds oddly familiar... If anything, a major success of the feminist movement was to enable women to become whatever they wanted, and choosing motherhood should not be regarded as a failure.

There's a lot more to the article though. The author goes on later to talk about how she thinks a large part of it might be that women quit out of job dissatisfaction rather than as an altruistic desire to care for their families. Interesting, and not too surprising either.

What think ye?

And sadly, it's off to a bad start

International Women's Day starting out poorly in Egypt. Women gathered to request more equality in the new government, but it didn't seem to be received too well.

http://www.businessinsider.com/womens-day-protest-tahrir-2011-3

http://english.ahram.org.eg/NewsContent/1/64/7232/Egypt/Politics-/Women-excluded-from-Egypt-constitutional-reform-me.aspx

http://english.aljazeera.net/indepth/features/2011/03/201138133425420552.html



On twitter, @pakinamamer was posting updates all morning (she was on the square) and it doesn't sound pretty.

More stories:


http://www.csmonitor.com/World/Middle-East/2011/0308/On-International-Women-s-Day-Egyptian-women-demand-revolutionary-role


http://www.miamiherald.com/2011/03/08/2104157/egyptian-womens-rights-protest.html


http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2011/mar/08/rival-protesters-clash-women-tahrir


http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=134369238

And on a somewhat more inspiring note: Women of the revolution

Women's day: let's party!

Happy international women's day!

And while the following video is actually quite serious in nature.... well, James Bond dressed in drag is quite amusing.



Hope you have a wonderful day.

Also, if we were in Russia we'd be receiving flowers all day from complete strangers in the streets.

Today, to celebrate, I am going to go to school. Then I am going to go to my job where I work side by side with other men, then I'll dance, have enough to eat for all my meals, and go to bed in a comfortable apartment with a husband that is kind, respects me and encourages me to follow my dreams. Perhaps someday all the women in the world will be able to say the same.

Women in Egypt

Very interesting article about sexual harassment in Egypt.


"What is being done to raise awareness and combat such behavior? A law regarding sexual harassment will have to wait. The country has greater concerns now -- forming a new government; writing a new constitution; getting Egypt's economy going again and dealing massive unemployment, among other things.The military is in charge now, and who knows when Egypt will get a new president, or parliament."


Maybe that's precisely the problem.


I'm going to say something here, even though I try to stay neutral in most of my writing because I'm training to be a reporter and that's what I'm supposed to do: 


A law regarding sexual harassment should be a first priority. It should be one of the first things on their list. I maintain and always will maintain that unless women are treated as human beings, societies do and will continue to suffer. If Egypt wants to reinvent itself and make their country a better, more prosperous place, they HAVE to make women a priority. If they fail to get this, this revolution will have done nothing to improve their lives. 


And this is not based on my opinions alone. There is a plethora of studies that show when women are treated better, the country fares better. Socially, economically, in terms of safety and war. It's that simple. Just look at Valerie Hudson's work.


As a friend pointed out, this isn't a feminist issue, it's a human issue.

Slacktivism

"Slacktivism" is an apt term to describe feel-good online activism that has zero political or social impact. It gives those who participate in "slacktivist" campaigns an illusion of having a meaningful impact on the world without demanding anything more than joining a Facebook group." 

(from this article -- head on over and read the whole thing) 

I read that article a few days ago, and gosh did it ring true. We are all guilty of this in some way or another : don't tell me you've never joined Facebook groups that didn't actually do anything real for a cause.

And it really is starting to get to me. For example, I call myself a feminist, but what am I really doing about it? What is my purpose as a feminist?


Well, for one, I attempt to write about it, and that can help create awareness. But I've never been to a rally or petitioned authorities. I do try to educate myself about the issues and participate in discussion forums such as Feminist Mormon Housewives. But I'm really not all that vocal. (well, I do speak up a lot in Sunday school... he he, just keeping everyone on their toes :) 

There are plenty of things that make my blood boil, but I think I keep it in for various reasons. One is that I haven't sufficiently developed my opinions on some topics. I don't want to publicly say things I could regret later after having matured in my worldviews. Another is my worry that if I am too virulent, my effectiveness to influence opinions and make a difference, however small it may be, will be reduced because I would automatically get myself branded as a man-hating bra-burning embittered activist for matriarchy. And that's not really what I want. 
I want to be a rational voice for women, and if keeping my temper is the price to pay, I'm more than willing. 

And of course, I want to teach my daughters to value their womanhood and my sons to respect women as their equals, to develop a close relationship with God and to learn to make the Spirit their companion in their quest for truth.

But in the end, do I really accomplish much?


Anyway, back to slacktivism... 

I ran across this project recently, and it got its little spotlight in the Daily Universe today: it's called "I am equal" (never mind the linguistic issues with that name... equal AS COMPARED TO WHAT!) and guess what it does: well, it's a bunch of people that decided to tour and take photos of people "taking a stand for equality" by... getting photographed with the nifty logo stamped on them. Whooptee do! You can donate money too, yay! To what? It's a big mix of advocating gay rights, no more racism, women's rights... holy mash-up of vastly different issues, so... where does your money actually go? Good question. The money goes to a foundation for education, which is great, but... how exactly does that aid the cause the project is based on? Anyway. 

I thought it was a perfect example of slacktivism: a fancy-sounding cause, no tangible goals, and it's really trendy because they take your picture and you can make it your Facebook profile pic and... Make a difference! Yeah!

Do forgive my sarcasm...

Now this is terribly interesting

Why Do Mormon Men Want Women to Have the Priesthood More Than Women Want It for Themselves?

A return to modesty

Anybody read this? It looks very interesting.

A Return to Modesty: Discovering the Lost Virtue

"The 23-year-old author first heard of "modestyniks"--Orthodox Jewish women who withhold physical contact from men until marriage--while a freshman at Williams College. She was initially fascinated by the way in which they cleave to old ideals, especially amid a sexually saturated contemporary world. But more so, Wendy Shalit was aghast at how modestyniks are dismissed as sick, delusional, or repressed by the secular community. "Why," asks the author, "is sexual modesty so threatening to some that they can only respond to it with charges of abuse or delusion?"
In her thoughtful three-part essay, the author reveals an impressive reading list as she probes the cultural history of sexual modesty for women and considers whether this virtue may be beneficial in today's world--if not an antidote to misogyny. In an age when women are embarrassed by sexual inexperience, when sex education is introduced as early as primary school, and when women suffer more than ever from eating disorders, stalking, sexual harassment, and date rape, Shalit believes a return to modesty may place women on equal footing with men. She yearns for a time when conservatives can believe the claims of feminists and feminists can differentiate between patriarchy and misogyny and share in the dialectic of female sexuality.
While the young author's argument is often limited by naiveté and her own lack of experience, her profound intelligence and daring are undeniable. A Return to Modesty is a thought-provoking debut that introduces an original and exciting new feminist thinker."

Gotta love that last sentence though...

And on a somewhat unrelated note: this article is really ridiculous. Actually, I probably shouldn't post it because the author lost her previous job as a reporter due to plagiarism and inaccuracy, and this very article was pulled from the Elle website for inaccuracy issues... But it was so gosh darn interesting! Or revolting. Or both.

4/13/12 update: I did end up reading this book for a research paper, and it was really good. She has an agenda so of course not everything is very impartial but there were so many interesting perspectives. I highly recommend it for anyone ever dealing with young girls/young women/women in general. (oh wait, that means... everyone!)

Men are from earth, women are from earth, and we're all children of God

I had a lecture on "differences between men and women" in my marriage and family religion class today, and it took all the energy I had and a lot of teeth (tooth?) gritting not to fight the teacher on every point. It did help that the guy sitting in front of me was just as annoyed as I was, and we spent the hour making snide remarks to each other.

I get it that men and women have differences, that there are general tendencies, etc.. but the (male) professor spent half the class making "cute" jokes about women's emotions and irrationality vs. men's inability to get it.
REALLY?! is this what we're being taught at BYU? I'm quite a rational intelligent being, thank you very much, and my husband happens to be very sensitive.

Enough with the stereotypes already!

One of his slides had a table of "what women say vs. what they really mean", and of course there was the classic yes means no and no means yes. That sort of belief is how a lot of date rape happens...

I know that women are biologically cyclical, and that we have stronger hormonal swings, etc. HOWEVER COMMA that does not excuse women for being ranting maniacs come cycle time! I disagree with laughing it off to PMS; that is no excuse for bratty behavior, and there are plenty of women throughout the world who (pardon the pun) man up and go walk 15 miles to get water for their family anyway. Or who roll up their sleeves and kill the goat themselves so their kids can eat dinner. Why should we get the princess treatment? (and I am aware that hormonal swings are more severe for some than for others, please don't think I am condemning the whole wide world... just most of it :)

But honestly, what I'm talking about is sort of the idea of "nature vs. nurture,"and I am very firmly on the nurture side: we are what we make ourselves, and just because society has constructed norms for men and women does not mean those are "natural" or what they really should be.

In fact, it is very clear where the Church stands on this. "Gender is an essential characteristic of individual premortal, mortal, and eternal identity and purpose... By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners" (The Family: A Proclamation to the World)

That's pretty vague outside of basic responsibilities. It doesn't say "girls should like pink and gossiping and boys don't get to hold the priesthood if they didn't play with building blocks as a 5 year old." 

Ahem. I realize I'm playing devil's advocate here but.... why don't we give boys baby dolls too? (we can even make them boy baby dolls and have onesies with dinosaurs and hammers on them so nobody gets confused) Shouldn't they be preparing just as much for their divine roles as fathers?

In my pop culture class we talked about gender as a construct of society. Sex is biological, gender is societal. In the Church, we learn that gender is eternal, but have you ever stopped to wonder how much of what we assign to gender is actually divinely defined? 

Think about it. Christ was the ultimate nurturer and giver of comfort, and He was also a leader and priest. Many characteristics we consider "female" are ones that could also be used to describe our Savior, and my understanding is that we're trying to be like Jesus.











Incidentally, I was just trying to find a quote from Elder Wirthlin on creating the person you want to be, and Google's fifth hit was entitled "Psychic Vampires and the Use of Etheric Energy" ...

Votes for women! Step in time...

Remember Mary Poppins? Well, turns out they're singing "step in time." I thought it was "skippy time" my whole life... oh well. Hey, at least it made sense right?

Apparently, I have feminist blood : did you know that Corsica (My dad's dad was Corsican) was the second country to give women the vote? Way back in 1755! (Sweden comes in at the top of the list, with women's suffrage in 1718). Unfortunately, France reversed that when they took over and then Corsican women had to wait another nearly 200 years until 1945... Bet they weren't too thrilled about that, although of course France annexing your country would've potentially been a greater concern at the time. Go my ancestors!

Oh, and this is embarrassing... America, the great Defender of Human Rights, didn't give women the vote until ahem, after Russia... (Ok, it's only a two-year difference, but still. I found it amusing.)

Anyway, happy 90th anniversary, Suffrage for women!

When momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy

I've been doing a lot of thinking on this subject lately.
I've come to some conclusions, conclusions I would like to spend more time researching and studying and, someday, maybe write a real essay about. I realize this post will be all over the place, and I apologize in advance. Also, just a disclaimer: some of the sites I have linked to in this post are not pleasant. Please be careful.

"When momma ain't happy ain't nobody happy." You've heard similar expressions, and they're dead on. I think this is what general authorities are hinting at when they talk about the influence of a righteous woman. She can and does influence her husband immensely, and she shapes her children--as much as they like to deny that they have any resemblance with their mother... A woman sets the tone in her home more than any other single individual or influence.

But this applies on a larger scale as well.
There are studies that show cultures where women are mistreated/abused/considered as slaves tend to be less peaceful (as in civil unrest, war, etc) and less developed. (I am looking for the source for that, I promise I've read it!)
The more education a woman gains, the more chances her family has of rising out of poverty and making a good and wholesome life for themselves. Even a little bit of education can assure that a woman's children have greater chances of survival.
Give a woman the resources and she will make them blossom and bring good not only to herself but to her family and to her entire society. I remember seeing a BYU documentary about micro-finance (which I think is the best possible form of humanitarian aid--it's teaching men to fish instead of giving them fish. But that's another post entirely. I get ridiculously excited talking about micro-finance) and how the success rates were huge for women especially because they took advantage of the loans and used them to start a business, however small, and get their kids to school and food on the table. And then all it takes is one generation for the family to already be better off.

The implications for "making momma happy" go so far beyond daily family life: "making momma happy" affects entire societies. (I realize I am equating happiness with education, financial resources and peace. There could be a lot more to that definition, but for now we'll leave it at that)

Ugh. I'm having trouble putting my thoughts into words here.


I am becoming convinced that one of Satan's most effective targets to destroy families is women.
Because women are the heart of the home (and by heart of the home, I mean the spiritual center of the family unit), downgrading them and demoralizing them is his best shot for bringing down families, and then societies.
Think of extreme beauty standards that can cause eating disorders (which incidentally can render you temporarily sterile... kills women's self-esteem and their possibility of having children for a time; how interesting).
Think of cultures and extreme religions that put women in subjugation and declare them property of their patriarchs, that don't allow women education or any form of personal dignity.
Think of places where women must cover their face in public, where their own family members can kill them if they "dishonor" the family--where being raped can fall in the "dishonoring your family" category.
Think of domestic abuse.
Think of peer pressure to have sex before marriage or to dress in provocative ways, pressure that can destroy a girl's self-worth.
Think of cultures that kill off their baby girls because they have insufficient worth to their parents.
Think of places where parents mutilate their daughters' bodies (female excision) to make them more marriageable.
Think of the prostitution masters who abduct mere girls and sell them off into slavery of the worst kind.

And then look at the Gospel that (aside from cultural quirks which are NOT the gospel: guys who think they're so important or excercise unrighteous dominion over their family) puts women beside their husbands as goddesses and priestesses. People think that because women don't have the priesthood, Mormons are old fashioned and that our religion lacks equality. Nothing is so far from the truth: women in the church operate without the priesthood by faith alone. God entrusts us with his sacred mission without a hierarchy of power because of the divine nature of women. I am by no means putting down the priesthood, which we believe to be the power of God himself. But I'm beginning to think that this is what could make the female gender unique: that we could by birthright alone receive our own special power--perhaps a gift directly inherited from our Heavenly Mother.

So what do we DO about this?

First of all, we can all make a greater effort in the fight to end the atrocities being committed against women around the world. We can stop trying to be "politically correct" towards people and cultures that do these things to their women. (This is one reason I think the burqa law in France has nothing to do with freedom of religion and everything to do with cutting back on a repressive symbol--despite other not-so-noble motivations that may be behind the law. But that's another post entirely.)


And second, we as women can try a little harder to be a positive influence in this world--once we realize our potential, our abilities are without bounds, but we need to use our influence for good. (I realize this sounds vague, but there are so many ways we can do this-- come on, what are your ideas!? what can we do?)

I am too often guilty of letting myself be carried by the flow of events, but I need to grab a firm hold and get started, I need to start influencing my family, my acquaintances and my world for good. And the first thing I can do is be a little more cheerful and take greater advantage of the educational opportunities I am so blessed to have.