Life as of late

I'm just loving it these days. Things haven't exactly turned out the way we expected but it's good. It's great even. Not being in school the last week has been awesome. We're just enjoying having very few responsibilities for the last time in a long time. Graduation was just as exciting as I had hoped it would be, and then the fun was extended for another week with Andrew's parents staying in Utah. My mother-in-law and I went to women's conference at BYU and it was just fantastic. I had always wanted to go -- all those ladies storming campus with their cute raincoats, holding little notebooks and travelling in groups of two or three looked like they were having the time of their life. Now having done it myself, I can say it was definitely a blast. I'd make this a yearly tradition if I could. Maybe someday.

We attended classes on "avoiding the entitlement trap", virtue and chastity for adults (we actually kind of fell asleep in that one... ahem), true beauty, bridging differences in marriage... this one was one of my favorite: it was`taught by a marriage therapist from Utah and her husband, a pioneer in the Church in Ghana. They certainly came across a lot of challenges together, and they had some great stories and advice. My favorite part in that session was the wife's answer she received to the question of whether or not they should marry: "if the Gospel of Christ is your culture, your marriage will thrive."

We also attended one session called "You can either laugh or cry. I prefer to laugh. Crying gives me a headache" - it was plenty of fun. It was essentially about meeting life's challenges with humor, having a positive attitude about things. Of course, we laughed a lot. We also attended a service night, where I tied my very first fleece blanket.

And some poor kid is going to have a messed-up blanket...

Whoops... I guess it's the thought that counts? Then there was a concert on Thursday night, and that was tons of fun. One thing is for sure: Mormon women love Alex Boyé!

It was hilarious, the crowds went wild! And we also got a surprise visit from Eliza R Snow herself :)

I think my absolute favorite talk though was one that Lisa & Matthew Richardson gave (Br. Richardson was just called as a counselor to the general Sunday School Presidency). They spoke together as a team (with those little mics that attach to your ear) and the way they played off of each other was hilarious. They were so much fun! And their enthusiasm was contagious. They spoke about being "armed with principles that never change." They also talked a lot about how work is actually a good in and of itself, not just something we do to get out of the way. That was kind of a theme I got from the whole conference in fact, that work is a blessing not just a duty. They used the example of Adam and Eve's marriage and life throughout the talk and Sister Richardson said something that really struck me: they were talking about how Satan told Adam and Eve to hide themselves when they had eaten the fruit, because they were naked. God comes and asks "who told thee thou art naked?" They didn't even know they were supposed to be ashamed, really, until someone pointed it out - and she paralleled that with today, when we are ashamed of our choices or feel inadequate because of what we think others expect us to do or be. Similarly, she asked the following question: "Who told thee thou art inadequate? Who told thee thou art not enough of that or too much of this?" We shouldn't be looking for the World's approval, we should be thinking about what God cares we do. I suppose I knew that, but putting it in those terms really hit home for me.

Who told thee thou art inadequate?


What an incredible reminder of who we should really strive to please, where we should set our sights. I'm posting my notes from the conference here, if you're interested -- they're kind of all over the place but there are some good bits :) This conference was a wonderful experience; the talks were inspiring and reinvigorating, and the company was absolutely delightful!

In other news, if you're still reading: I'm getting some dental work as well as getting all four of my wisdom teeth taken out Thursday. Wish me luck. The dentist promised happy gas, so at least the operation itself won't be too bad; it's the aftermath I'm really scared about. Voilà!

still-no-adjective Wednesday

Well we're into week two of this Wednesday thing, and this time it's not quite so picture-intensive.


I read this article last week about mormons and death. It's one woman's personal experience of her connection with loved ones that have passed on. I found it incredibly beautiful and especially loved the closing words about the plan of salvation:

I find myself a bit bewildered when people talk in worried tones about “making it” to the Celestial Kingdom or “losing” loved ones. It just doesn’t compute with this expansive vision — nor with a Savior who says, “In my Father’s house there are many mansions . . . none of them which the father hath given me shall be lost.” Life, death, grief, reunion are themes we see throughout Jesus’ ministry. If any power can bind us through the valley of the shadow of death, it is the power of love. He claimed to usher in the Kingdom of Heaven and then proceeded to reach out to those on the margin, to view others radically differently than society judged (as my favorite nuns call it, “radical love”), to provide chances for healing, growth, and renewal at every turn. I like that lived vision of heaven. A place to grow, to rest, to feel love, to share love, to heal, to be healed. Home. It shapes my view of the after-life, where fathers, Father, mothers, Mother await. And it comforts me. (But I still miss my dad.)


And I felt strangely reassured all of a sudden.

Since we all love making lists so much

Meet my new best friend: the RM planner.

Yes, I know, I'm not really a returned missionary (although according to your average life-long Utahn I've spent most of my life in the mission field... so eat that you wimpy two-year varieties!) but this little planner is the best thing that's happened to me in a while. It was Andrew's spontaneous gift the other day (hmm, maybe this gift had little to do with spontaneity or undying love...) and it was exactly what I needed.

Let me illustrate:

Incidentally... gotta love the picture-perfect caricature of the RM--Omniture? 5K? Church calling? Spot on.

Anyway. This thing is perfect. I can fill out my weekly goals and there are only a few lines for each category which forces me to not write ridiculously long and unrealistic lists. Plus I always forget things and I feel so much more stable now. Today, I finished my to-do list before 11 am. Booyah! I feel so... in control. Agh! I'm a control freak!

I like the whole "balance" aspect of it, with a little spot to write a scripture study topic and exercise goals. Note that it's a little spot, meaning it's short and sweet, helps you make realistic attainable plans. I thought I didn't need silly things like planners anymore, but clearly that hasn't worked out so well. Thank you chéri-chou.

On another somewhat related topic, when we were engaged I bought this cool-looking book (yes, I have been known to buy books based solely on how cool their cover looks) called "300 questions LDS couples should ask before marriage," and I thought it was fantastic. There were a lot of obvious questions, but also a lot of thought-provoking ones and good conversation starters. For example:


How do you define tithing? (based on net? gross? do you pay tithing on interest?) Believe it or not, there are a lot of ways to pay tithing!


How will you react if one of your children tells you they are gay? 


Have you ever seen a psychologist? Been diagnosed with anxiety or depression? Has it been resolved?

How often do you expect intimacy? (incidentally, it's called "sex." I find it bizarre that we call it "intimacy" in mormonland, but whatever... I guess nobody wants to drop the s-bomb in church)

And so on. Lots of important topics that we don't always necessarily think of. And some of those questions can be downright scary. I think people should start asking some of these even before engagement, although it could be potentially awkward to pull out the marriage questionnaire after two months of dating :) But honestly, I highly recommend it, if for no other reason than that it gets you talking about very important subjects. 

And the reason I'm talking about this is they've come out with a new book! 300 questions couples should ask for a more vibrant marriage. I just got it, and can't wait to get started on it! (I'm not saying that my marriage is boring, by the way, just needed to clear that up, but there's always room for improvement, and of course diagnosing problems before they become huge is important as well) Some of the topics are for more mature couples (disciplining children, going on a mission etc) but that's ok, it can just sit on our shelf until it's time to pull it back out again. It's nice to sit down and just analyze where you are sometimes.

Incidentally, this is a great FHE activity, just a few questions, and a spiritual message. That and filling out your little planners together for the week :) 

Date nights

I just discovered this awesome website:






There are some great ideas, and some cheesy ones, but the point is there is tons of choice and I think this is such a neat idea :)

Changes

Well, things seem to be moving along. We have a few leads for places to stay in Paris (still just leads... I feel like we've had "leads" for a month--although these ones are closer to coming through than at first). If you have a free spot in your prayers we wouldn't mind if you'd mention us! I know it's hard to find housing to begin with, but a married couple? forget about it. But I feel like things are working well, and I can't help but be grateful that we even have this wonderful opportunity. We're spending the summer in Paris!

Also, in other news, my mom and two younger sisters are moving to Las Vegas. (I don't know if I've even mentioned it on here before, but my mom is going back to school in the U.S. It's an online program, but she got a scholarship that requires her to be a US resident... I don't completely understand the whole why and how but that's the deal essentially. And my two younger sisters are with her here. Since this last summer they were in Maryland with family. My dad and other sister are still in Bordeaux)

Anyway. They'll be a whole lot closer now, which is pretty neat. I'm especially glad for my youngest sister who never got to come to the wedding or to visit--I haven't even seen her since three years ago--so she's excited to come party with her old married sister :) The other day she asked me when she'd be an aunt....

Did I mention my little sisters were models?

Well, not professionally, but... they could be!

Ok, I'll stop bragging.

Happy new year

...et bonne année!

Andrew and I celebrated the new year doing what we love most: dancing! We went to his old dance studio here in Las Vegas where he took some lessons before going on his mission, and about 20 people (mostly middle-aged women and a some men of all different ages) where there. It wasn't a big fancy event but it was lively enough, and it was nice to go out just the two of us and dance for pure enjoyment's sake. I had to share Andrew though, all the little ladies wanted in on the fun :)

I've already stated on Facebook that I won't be making any new year's resolutions, for one because I never keep them anyway, and for two because I already have goals and don't feel the need for new ones. I need to keep focusing on what I'm trying to accomplish and not let myself get carried away by day-to-day things. I've already quit team, so here's to simplifying!

Oh here's a funny story: one of the ladies came up to us and told us about how she had been on a cruise where people were celebrating their 30, 40, even 50 year anniversaries and she was just amazed at how long those people had been married. And then she said "I can tell you two will be one of those."

I guess we're doing something right.

Honeymoon

I just found my honeymoon pictures... they were hiding out on my old computer in a file NOT titled honeymoon. And now I'm remembering how awesome summer is.

And how much I really like being tan.

We also just got our wedding video (finally!) which is just plain exciting.

I just finished reading two chapters of John Stuart Mill's "on Liberty" for my media law and ethics class. First off, I would just like to say that I am ridiculously excited about this class. And yes, the reading was dense but how I wish that we still spoke like that today! Expressions like "lovers of liberty" and "dissidents afflicted with the malady of thought" give me shivers.

Mill actually brought up some very interesting points that I found applied quite well to my particular generation of members of the church. He speaks of how we should not be afraid of discussion and dissent because that is the very way by which we find truth. He points out that early christians were profoundly touched by their religion in ways that we rarely are nowadays because they had to defend their beliefs against the rest of the world's opinion, against the majority, risking their very lives for what they believed to be true.

But when it [religion] has come to be an hereditary creed, and to be received passively, not actively—when the mind is no longer compelled, in the same degree as at first, to exercise its vital powers on the questions which its belief presents to it, there is a progressive tendency to forget all of the belief except the formularies, or to give it a dull and torpid assent, as if accepting it on trust dispensed with the necessity of realizing it in consciousness, or testing it by personal experience; until it almost ceases to connect itself at all with the inner life of the human being. Then are seen the cases, so frequent in this age of the world as almost to form the majority, in which the creed remains as it were outside the mind, encrusting and petrifying it against all other influences addressed to the higher parts of our nature; manifesting its power by not suffering any fresh and living conviction to get in, but itself doing nothing for the mind or heart, except standing sentinel over them to keep them vacant.

...

The maxims and precepts contained in the New Testament […] are considered sacred, and accepted as laws, by all professing Christians. Yet it is scarcely too much to say that not one Christian in a thousand guides or tests his individual conduct by reference to those laws. The standard to which he does refer it, is the custom of his nation, his class, or his religious profession

...

Whenever conduct is concerned, they look round for Mr. A and B to direct them how far to go in obeying Christ.

It seems like, to a degree, this could apply to "mormon culture" v. "mormon doctrine;" very often we do things without really stopping to think about why we do them; we do them out of imitation rather than based on a principle that we know to be true.

For example, Andrew has recently decided that there is no real doctrinal basis for blessing the food at a meal-- giving thanks for food is based on the principle of gratitude towards God for all that we are given, but so far he hasn't really found any reason for blessing the food, aside from the fact that it's just the way that all parents teach their children to pray. (Personally, I think there is something to be said for learning by observation--I think that there is probably a reason we do it, but we've forgotten that reason. In the meantime, Andrew's meal-time prayers are one line shorter than mine)

Another idea that Mill brings up is that truth will not be destroyed by opposition; we shouldn't be afraid to expose truth to criticism because truth can stand on its own. I don't think that, in the case of LDS scholarship, this means that we should second-guess the prophet every time he makes a statement, but I wonder how this applies to me personally. Perhaps it means that I shouldn't shy away from difficult subjects and controversial issues, because those discussions are what can bring me to greater light and knowledge. Just these two chapters have really gotten me thinking; do I practice religion just because I feel like it's the right thing to do, or because I have chosen a side and want to be committed to it out of integrity? I like to think that I am a practicing LDS member because I believe in Christ, and because I believe that the doctrines of this church are the true principles that will bring me to Him, (which I sincerely do) but now I wonder if I don't also do some of the things I do merely out of habit.

One thing I know for sure: I do not want to fall into the "deep slumber of a decided opinion."